Communication: Is Vulnerability An Asset?

When it comes to creating a deeper connection and a lasting impression on others; it is often assumed that sharing ones good points is the best approach to take. To share ones vulnerable side is something that should be avoided at all costs.

This means that successes and achievements should be revealed and shared. But moments when one’s life didn’t go to plan or when one experienced a setback or loss, should be avoided at all costs.

Being Perfect

So through following this approach one can come across as perfect or as having it all together for example. And while this may lead to some kind of connection being formed, it is unlikely to lead the creation of something that is deeper or more meaningful.

What it will enable, is for one to feel safe and protected. Through only revealing certain parts of who one is to others, it will allow them to limit how vulnerable they are in the eyes of another person.

Vulnerable

And yet as we are human, no matter what we do or what we have achieved, we are vulnerable. This is something that can’t be changed or taken away. However, this is not to say that one should be completely open and reveal every part of themselves at all times and to everyone they meet.

Like most things in life, there has to be a sense of discernment; to when it is right and when it is not. One thing the ego mind can do here, as it works in polarities, is see this as being either one way of another.

So one is then completely vulnerable and therefore wide open or they are completely closed and come across as perfect or always happy. When in reality, one can decide for themselves who to be open to and how much to reveal. It doesn’t have to be based on extremes.

Example

I remember when a friend of mine opened up about the challenges that he had recently been having. And other than that moment, this was someone who always seemed to have it together, nothing fazed him.

He appeared to be unswayed by what life brought him. And while this did cause me to see him as someone who was strong and dependable; it didn’t make me feel emotionally connected to him.

So when then he opened up about this recent challenge; I was shocked on one hand and instantly felt a closer emotional connection to him on the other. It was like he become human for the first time and was at a level that I could actually relate to.

Further Evidence

The people who are in the public eye, such as actors, sports stars and musicians, are often larger than life and hard to relate to at a human level. And this is largely due to them appearing to have it all and to them leading what are perceived as the perfect lives.

But while these types of people can be knocked down to earth by the media during moments of hardship, such as a divorce or a situation involving drugs, ironically this often causes the public feel closer to them as a result.

The Forgotten Power

As vulnerability has such incredible power when it comes to connecting to another person at a deeper level, it may seem strange that it is so often avoided. And I believe it is due to the associations that one can have around being vulnerable, that can get in the way.

Situations where one was vulnerable during their adult life or as a child and ended up being humiliated, abandoned or rejected for instance can lead to the perception that it is not safe.

And although this could be true for some cases, it is unlikely to be true at all times. However, as the mind sees in absolutes, it can then see all situations as being this way.

Leading By Example

It is often said that if we want someone to go where we are going, we have to lead the way or go there first. And this is generally how it is with being vulnerable. There is risk in doing this, but there is also the chance of great reward.

The alternative is to remain closed and to never open up and in doing so missing out on the chance to experience greater authenticity with people. As I stated above, like any area of life, it is important to be discerning.

At first this may feel unnatural and uncomfortable, but over time it will become part of who one is and not something that one does. This will also lead to more fulfilling relationships with others.

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Oliver J R Cooper 
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/