It is often said that human beings are ‘social animals’ and this is because they are interdependent. So while one may see themselves as being an individual, this is not the complete truth.
The person they have come to be is the result of the experiences they have had with others and in order of them to maintain the identity, they will need to have the right experiences. This means that if one was to live in isolation, their sense of self would soon start to disappear.
It is therefore vital that one not only reaches out to others, but that they also respond when other people reach out them. Another way to describe this would be to say that one can’t just take in life, they also have to give.
If one was to only take from others, they would be seen as selfish and people would avoid them. Whereas, if one was to only give to others, they would end up being walked over and they would have no energy.
However, just because someone is there for others, it doesn’t mean that they are actually interested in them. They could come across as being interested, but it could simply be a way for them to get what they want.
This means their intentions are not clear and that they have an ulterior motive. At first, people might not notice, but as time passes, their true colours will gradually appear.
One could ask how another person is, what they have been up to or how they are getting on with something. After hearing this, the other person could be only too happy to share this information with them and it could cause them to believe that the other person is interested in what they have to say.
Now, if one has an ulterior motive, they will be asking these questions in order to get a certain response. It then doesn’t matter what the other person says, as long as one creates the right impression.
If one was to place their attention on how they behave, they could come to believe that they have empathy. However, appearances are often deceiving and while their behaviour might look right, it doesn’t mean they have empathy.
It could be something they have learnt over the years and this means that it is just a technique that they apply to achieve their desired outcome. Their true intentions could be revealed due to them being inconsistent or the other person might sense what is happening.
When one is interested in others, it doesn’t mean they won’t have a reason, but what it does mean is that it won’t be an act. It will be who they are as opposed to something they do.
It could then be said that their interest in other people is not only coming from their mind, it is also coming from their heart. And this means that while behaving in this way will have a positive influence on their life, this is not the only reason why they do it.
A Different Experience
This person is interested in other people’s needs, feelings and preferences. When they interact, they are putting their own experience to one side and their attention is on the other person.
And because they are genuinely interested, the other person will know that it is not an act. If they can’t accept one’s intentions, it could be due to what is taking place within them.
However, if they are able to accept that the other person cares, it may lead to one of two outcomes. If they already know the other person, it will affirm the relationship they have or it could become even stronger.
When it relates to someone they don’t know, it could be the start of a new relationship. Here, one might end up with a new friend, client or lover, for instance.
It Goes Further
Taking an interest in others and caring about what they have to say will also benefit people they don’t meet. This is because when one feels as though they matter, they will be more likely to treat others in the same way.
It then becomes a ripple effect and one will never know how much of a difference they have made. There is then the impact this has one’s life, the impact it has on the people they meet and how these people go on to treat others.
If one finds it easy to empathise with others, then this is going to be normal for them. Yet if they don’t, they will have to develop this ability. One can start off by imagining what it would be like to be in the other person’s shoes.
This will give them a sense of what they are going through and therefore, what one can say to them. And the more one does this, the easier it will be for them to connect with another’s experience.
It will be a lot easier for one to do this if they are in touch with their emotions and their heart. So if one is not in touch with this part of themselves, they might need to work with a therapist, healer and/or a support group.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
There are people who always seem to have a smile on their face and then there are other people who are not as expressive. They will smile from time to time, but it won’t be as often as someone who smiles freely; it could be said that they like to hold back.
However, when it comes to something as powerful as a smile, it could be said that one doesn’t need to hold back. At times it is going to be important for them to express themselves differently and yet, this is not to say that one should feel bad for smiling.
As a human being, one has the ability to express themselves in many different ways and each expression they have is going to have a purpose. One might find that they’re able to use the right expression to get the response they want from others in most cases.
This will show that one is aware of their expression and the effect they are having. There is also the chance that one is not aware of their expressions and this is likely to mean that they end up getting responses that they don’t want.
Their facial expressions could then end up being a mismatch and this could cause them to offend others or to simply push them away. If one is aware of their facial expressions, it will allow them to make the changes they need to make.
The problems will arise when one is not aware of the part they are playing in how other people are responding to them. While one is not completely responsible for how other people respond to them, it would be inaccurate to say that they have no affect either.
Let’s say that one was with a close friend or someone else they are close to and this person was talking about something important. As one respects and values the other person, it is going to be important for them to listen to what they’re saying.
Firstly, one is going to need to keep quiet and they might even tilt their head to show that they are listening. And as well as this, one will need to mirror the other person’s facial expressions and/or to express themselves in a way that matches the mood of the interaction.
If, on the other hand, one didn’t look at the other person and expressed themselves in a way that invalidated the other person for instance, the person who is talking might end up feeling disrespected and angry, amongst other things.
And as the person who is talking is important to them, one is likely to realise how important it is to get this right. It could then be something that just happens; without one having to think about it.
When it comes to making a good first impression, one is going to want to express themselves in the right way. There are many things that one can do, and one of those things is to smile.
This puts other people at ease and this is because when one smiles, they’re not coming across as unfriendly or as a threat. Other people are able to see that one is approachable and this then gives them the permission or the all clear to reach out.
So this will play a part in one being able to form a good first impression, and it will also have a positive affect on the other interactions that one has. For instance, if one smiles when they meet a friend, it shows that they are happy to see them. Their friend is then likely to mirror back their reaction, that’s if they’re not already smiling, and it’s likely to enhance the interaction.
The same would apply if one was about to go on a date with someone. If one smiles when they see the other person, it can allow the other person to feel more relaxed. This can then mean that the interaction is able to get off to a good start.
Smiling is then something that can allow one to have more influence and a greater impact on others. This is because it will play a part in how they feel in ones company and therefore, how one is perceived by others.
And through smiling, one is also going to feel good and this is another reason why it is good to smile. This shows that smiling not only has a positive impact on other people, it also improves ones wellbeing.
If one is not used to smiling, it might feel uncomfortable at first but as time passes, this will soon change. One option would be to observe other people and then to model their behaviour.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
When it comes to connecting to other people, our facial expressions play an important role. And like one’s body language and their tone of voice, one is not always aware of how they’re coming across.
Or one might be aware of their body language and their tone of choice, but their facial expressions could be something they’re not focused on. If this is the case, it is going to cause other people to doubt what they are saying.
This is because each part of them needs to be saying the same thing in order for one to come across as congruent, and therefore believable. When this doesn’t happen, other people are going to feel as though something isn’t right or that one is hiding something.
So in order for one to have the effect they want when they’re communicating to another person or to a group of people, it is going to be important each for part of them to be in sync. When each part of them is in harmony, their ability to communicate will improve.
For some people, it might matter how they feel or who they are with, as their face might not change. And if they were playing poker, this would be an asset. However, when it comes to the real world, this is not something that would be described as an asset.
In fact, it could be described as something that is harming one’s ability to be an effective communicator. One might be aware of how they rarely show how they feel or allow the environment around them to influence their facial expression, or it could be something they’re completely unaware of.
Through having a poker face, one is able to experience a sense of control. By not showing how they feel, they are not giving anything away and this means that the people around them are unable read them.
The people around them are not going to be aware of how they feel or what their outlook is, and this then gives one the upper hand. And if one believes that they need to have the upper hand in life and that other people are out to take advantage of them, then having a poker face is essential.
Making A Connection
However, if one not only wants to connect with other people but wants to form deeper connections with people, then it is going to be important for other people to be able to read them. When one doesn’t show how they feel, it can make other people feel uncomfortable.
They might wonder if one can be trusted and it could cause them to feel suspicious. And while there is the chance that other people will take advantage of them for showing how they feel, by showing how they feel, it is going allow other people to feel more connected to them.
Back And Forth
When one talks to another person, their responses are influenced by the other person’s facial expressions. The other person’s facial expressions could even end up defining how one behaves and what they talk about.
This is often something that takes place unconsciously, and this means that one is not always aware of how the other person is affecting then. But even though they might not be aware, it is still going to shape their outlook of the other person and therefore their behaviour towards them.
During certain situations, it might be important for one to hide how they feel. If one is in a dangerous situation, where their life is under threat, it might be best for them to have a poker face.
But when one is meeting new people or on a date for instance, being emotionally expressive will allow the other person to know where they stand and it will give them the chance to develop an emotional connection.
This doesn’t mean that one need’s to smile all the time or that they always need to be animated; it can just mean that one allows themselves to reveal how they feel. If this is something one doesn’t usually do, it is likely to feel uncomfortable at first.
One approach is for one to observe other people and to see how they express themselves in different situations. Through this, one will be able to model what they see and to develop their own ability to be emotionally expressive.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver J R Cooper
It is often said that human beings not only want to be noticed by others, they also want to be appreciated by them. But while these are two needs that each and every one of us would like to have fulfilled, it does mean that other people will always fulfil them.
Generally, one would have these fulfilled by their family, friends and colleagues for instance. And at times, other people are going to enable one to feel noticed and appreciated. If one is famous or well known, this could cause them to have these needs fulfilled more often.
When one does feel acknowledged by others, it is going to make them feel good. It is going to have a positive impact on their life and this means that other people could also benefit. If one feels good, there is the chance that they will want to pass the feeling on to others.
On the other hand, if one doesn’t feel acknowledged by other people, it could make them feel bad. It is unlikely to have a positive impact on their life and other people could also suffer as a result. Through feeling bad, one might want to pass on their pain to others.
But while one person will let this get to them and end up either punishing themselves or others, or both, other people will use it as a catalyst for growth. One can then channel their energy into achieving something significant. With the hope that other people will soon give them the attention they desire.
Of course, one could end up causing all kinds of destruction just to be noticed by others. Or one could achieve things or do things that have no relevance to their own needs and wants. However, if one is not being noticed or appreciated by others it might not matter what kind of attention they get as long as they are noticed.
When one feels acknowledged by another person and this could be by someone they know or have just met, it is going to be because of what the other person does. If they did something else, one is not going to feel acknowledged or if they do, it won’t have the same impact.
And in order to acknowledge another person, one is going to need to be present. Through being present, one will be able to place their attention on the other person. If they are not present, it is going to affect their ability to notice how the other person looks and to absorb what they are saying.
Eye contact is important when it comes to making another person feel acknowledged. If this doesn’t exist or one is not consistent with it, it could cause someone to feel ignored and that they are unimportant.
Shaking another person’s hand is another thing that can make another person feel acknowledged. Without this, they could feel they are not important and that they have been overlooked.
Having manners can make another person feel respected and therefore that they are important. When they don’t exist, other people can feel unappreciated and even invisible.
While some people will talk openly about what matters to them or what they have achieved, not everyone will. This means that some people are going to give one clues as to what they want to be recognised and appreciated for and some people want.
This is why curiosity is so important when it comes to acknowledging someone. Another person could open up, but if they don’t, one is going to need to be interested in what matters to the other person.
And even if the other person does open up, one is still going to need to be curious or else the conversation won’t go very far.
Being curious is one thing, but if one doesn’t care about other people it is only going to get them so far. Having the ability to empathise is going to mean that one can put their own needs and wants to one side and focus on what matters to the other person.
This will allow them to connect with their needs and wants and to find out what brings them joy and fulfilment.
One can improve their communication skills through changing how they behave and this can work. Another approach is to be interested in other people and then their behaviour will naturally change.
If one is not usually present around others or is not interested in what is going on in their life, then it might feel strange or uncomfortable when one does something else. But over time this will change and it will soon become second nature.
For some people, talking will be something they enjoy doing and this will be balanced out by their ability to listen. But there will also be people who are good at either talking or listening and yet, they will fall down when it comes to the other option. This is going to mean that they are out of balance.
If someone always talks and doesn’t listen, they are going to be perceived in a certain way by others. This could mean that other people admire their ability to communicate, and it could also mean that other people see them as being self centred.
And if this related to someone who always listened to others, they are going to be seen differently. Other people could view them as being shy or quiet, or they could be seen as being a great listening.
Now, it is clear that one needs to be able to express themselves, and at the same time, they also need to be able to listen to others. What one needs to do will all depend on the situation and the affect they want to have.
To simply say that listening is better than talking would be inaccurate, as it will all depend on the context. It would be like using a hammer to cut down a tree; the hammer is a great tool, when it is used for the right job.
To get the most out of the hammer, one would need to find a job that used nails for instance. And in order to cut the tree down, they would need some kind of saw. So when it comes to listening or talking, one will need to use their intelligence to decide what the best option is in any given moment.
But while making a decision, either consciously or unconsciously, as to what the best option is will be the ideal, there will be some people who are completely out of touch with how another person is responding.
Talking will then be something they do regardless of whether it is appropriate or not. This can be what is normal to them and how they have been for most of their life. One may not even realise how this is affecting their relationships with other people.
It then means that they get to say what they want and to express their views, but at the same time, it causes other people to feel ignored. And while one has the need to be heard, so does everyone else.
If someone is talked over or not even given the chance to talk, it is highly unlikely that they will feel important, respected or valued for instance. And if one feels this way around someone, it is inevitably going to lead to a negative impression being formed.
In order to make a good impression on others, one is going to have to put their needs to one side at times. And if one is always used to talking, it will mean that they will have to cut back on what they can say. But while one will lose someone on one side, they will also be gaining something on the other.
Other people are going to feel important when they are listened to; especially if they are used to other people talking over them or having no interest in what they have to say. And when one takes the time to do this, there is the chance that other people will be more likely to listen to what they have to say.
So through talking, one has the chance to express themselves. However, if all they do is talk, they will miss out on what other people have to say. And this means their ability to learn new things and to therefore expand their mind, is going to be severely affected.
When one talks to another, it can allow them to feel validated and this can enable them to integrate certain things into their mind. And this is important, but at the same time, what they are talking about is nothing new; all they are doing is repeating what is going on in their mind.
By letting another person talk, one is being given the chance to learn something they haven’t learnt before and therefore expand their mind in the process. As the other person is opening themselves up, it will also allow them to feel more connected.
What one finds out about another person can then be used in the future to start a conversation and with this, the relationship can grow. And as John C. Maxwell once said - ‘people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care’’.
So one could talk to another person about what they know, but unless they are willing to listen to what they have to say, it won’t matter.
If one is used to talking all the time, they might find it hard to listen at first. And not only to listen, but to really take in what is being said without being consumed by what they are going to say next.
When something has been done for a long time, it is going to feel strange when one does something else. But over time, listening will be something that feels normal.
Just because someone can start a conversation, it doesn’t mean that they find it easy to keep one going. And while some people can keep a conversation going, they might find it hard to start one.
There will then be others who have no trouble starting them and keeping them going. However, when one finds it difficult to start a conversation, it would be easy to come to the conclusion that the people who can have something they don’t.
One’s mind can come up with all kinds of reasons as to why other people can start conversations and they can’t. Other people can be seen as possessing things that one doesn’t have. And not only can this relate to how one currently is, but how one will always be.
Based on this outlook, it is not going to be possible for one to be able to do what other people do. Not only is this outlook going to affect ones confidence, it also far from the truth.
On The Sidelines
If one was to believe that they were different, it would be normal for them to feel as though they are on the sidelines in life and are unable to get involved. One could end up not only admiring what other people, but they could even end up putting them on a pedestal.
A Different Approach
But while others may look different and appear to possess things that one doesn’t believe they have, inherently, there is no difference. What is different is what these people do and this is something that one can learn.
So one could play close attention to what others do, and through time, they will gradually begin to behave in the same ways. This can be through one consciously picking up on what other people do and through unconsciously absorbing what they do.
For some people this will work and yet, it can problem when one doesn’t know what to focus on or what they are looking for.
Having the ability to start conversations is something that is going to enhance one’s life in many ways. It won’t matter where one is; there is always going to be the chance that this need will arise. So whether one is in a business environment, out socialising or wanting to talk to the opposite sex, it won’t have to be a problem.
This doesn’t mean that one will always know what to say though, as there are going to be times when one feels tired, indifferent or even fearful. But this is more likely to be the exception than the rule; whereas for people who have no idea how to start conversations, it is likely to be the rule.
What Is The Right Thing To Say?
So when it comes to starting conversations with others, one might wonder what exactly they should say. And through having this question, one can end up looking for the perfect things to say. If they say the right things, the rest will follow and they will soon be having a conversation.
But while having the perfect things to say may work, there are going to be challenges. Firstly, not every situation is going to be the same and secondly, one doesn’t want to turn into a robot.
We are all creatures of habit, and so there are going to be words and phrases we use all the time. But if everything that one says is rehearsed and memorised, it is not going to come across as natural and it might not have any relevance to the situations that one finds themselves in.
Having something planned to say may help someone who is just starting to develop the ability to start conversations, but there are other things that they can do. And there are at least three things that one can utilise to start a conversation and this is something that everyone can do.
Starting A Conversation
Each and every one of us has the ability to make observations, statements and assumptions. So when one comes across someone they want to talk to, they can place their attention on what is going on in moment.
Here, they will see things and based on what they see, there will be plenty to talk about. This could result in one asking another person a question about what they see, or they could just make a statement about what they have observed and see if the other person’s interest has been piqued
And if one can’t find anything to talk about in the moment, they could just make an assumption. This could have nothing to do with what is taking place, but what is taking place could remind them of something else.
In the beginning one might find that they don’t notice anything and this is normal. One’s mind will need to change its point of focus and as this takes place, one will begin to notice things.
The mind only sees what it has been programmed to see, so once one looks for things to comment on, they will gradually begin to find them.
Just because someone is talking to another person, it doesn’t mean that they are actually aware to what is being communicated. Physically they are there and this is visible to the other person and to anyone else that is around them and yet emotionally and mentally they could be somewhere else.
Their focus could be on what they are going to be doing later that day, what their plans are for the weekend or they could simply be having an inner discussion about what is being said and how they view it.
And there is going to be different degrees to this. On one side there is the chance that someone could have completely checked out. And on the other side, they might have lost their concentration, but only slightly, and not enough for another person to notice.
When someone has completely checked out, the impact that this has is generally going to be far greater than if their concentration has slightly dropped. It will also depend on who someone is talking to and what their expectations are, as to how they interpret another person’s absent mindedness.
To be talking to another person who is doesn’t seem to be interested in what one has to say is going to lead to certain consequences. These could change and are not always going to apply, but there is as strong chance that they will appear.
This could cause someone to end up feeling: disrespected, unimportant, ignored, rejected, worthless and invisible. And they could come to the conclusion that this person is: ignorant, rude, uninterested and aloof, amongst other things.
And the context that one is in will often define how they feel. For example, if one was talking to their partner and they checked out, one is likely to have a stronger reaction.
This is because they are likely to have more of an emotional connection to them. If this happened with someone who worked in a shop, it is not likely to be the same, as there wouldn’t be an emotional connection.
Another area where one’s ability to be present is going to have an impact is on their career. If one has an interview or is speaking to potential clients and they appear vacant, it is not going to create a good impression. Even if one already has a job and has no shortage of clients for instance, there is still likely to be consequences.
In these kinds of environments, one could come across as not wanting to work there and as being disrespectful. And when it relates to clients or customers, they could come to believe that they are not welcome and that the business they bring is not appreciated either.
But while some people can disconnect from the present moment on purpose and because they have no interest in the other person or what is being said, it could also be a habit that they have.
So they are not intentionally being disrespectful, it is just something that happens. However, no matter whether this happens consciously or unconsciously, it is something that is going to inhibit ones chances of making a good impression when it comes to meeting new people and on maintaining a good impression with the people they already know.
This doesn’t mean that one always needs to be present or that it’s even possible to be. At times one will be tired or have no interested in what is being said. But when it comes to other times, it will be important that they maintain their concentration.
Not only can one make a better first impression or a good impression in general, there is also going to be the chance that they will remember more of what the other person has said. If one is not present, it is going to be harder to remember what another person was talking about.
And when one doesn’t remember, the other person might not form a good opinion or they could end up pulling away completely. At times this won’t matter, but at others times, the consequences could be severe.
So this could be a gradual process and something that takes a while to become part of who one is. Phones are a common way that people check out and if one uses their phone around others, it could be a challenge to put it away and to stay focused on another.
However, being aware of something is often the first step when it comes to change. And when the desire is there, it won’t be long until being present becomes natural.
When it comes to talking to someone, how we perceive them usually makes all of the difference. If another person is seen as a friend or someone that one has spoken to before, then it is going to make it easier for one to talk to them.
And this is part of being human, because although times have changed and we generally no longer have to worry about whether we will be eaten alive by another animal (depending on where one lives of course); our survival instincts are still as strong.
This is a good thing, as while one might not be eaten by an animal, it doesn’t mean that their own species are always going to have the best of intentions. So to know if another person is safe to be around or not is incredibly important.
One is going to come to these conclusions relatively quickly and through getting to know the other person; their ability to relax in their company should increase.
And as this happens, their perception of the other person is gradually going to change. This will make it easier for one to communicate to the other person. They will also no longer be seen as a stranger and as just another human.
But when it does come to strangers, one is not going to feel completely safe with them. This is a good thing and is in the interests of one’s survival. What it can get in the way of is when one wants to talk to people they don’t know or when they are talking to people they don’t know.
It is often a matter of context and where one is, that will define whether or not seeing people as strangers is a help or a hindrance. For how one sees others defines how they will behave and how they behave will then have an impact on how others see them and therefore how they will behave towards them.
This is the most important thing here; one feeling comfortable in themselves when it comes to being around others. Seeing another person as a potential friend is one way of bringing ones best side out.
When one is a social event or out socialising on a night out, their behaviour is going to have an impact on how other people respond to them. And if one views the people around them as strangers, they are unlikely to be as warm or friendly as they would be if they were surrounded by close friends or family.
Their facial expressions, body language and the words they use, as well as their non verbal communication, that is harder to control, will reveal this. And the people around them will respond accordingly.
A Different Outlook
Now, if one was to see people in situations such as these, as friends they haven’t yet met, their behaviour is going to radically change. And the people in these environments are going to pick up on these signals, it won’t mean that everyone warms to this, but then this is to be expected.
What it will mean it that there will be a stronger chance that one will make greater connections with people and who knows, some of these might become long terms friends , business partners or clients for instance.
If one has always seen other people as strangers or ’other people’ then to see them differently wont feel normal and might even feel uncomfortable. This new approach doesn’t have to be rushed, it can be done at a pace that one feels comfortable with.
And as time passes, this will soon become second nature and meeting new people will be a lot easier.
It will also be important for one to be discerning in who they do talk to and not to expect everyone to respond to them in a way that is friendly and welcoming. This doesn’t mean that one has to let this get them down or put them off from trying this approach
The first time that one does this, they are going to become clearer in how it feels and in what they need to work on, if anything. New ways of behaving can take time to become part of who one is, but before long, they will be just another way that one expresses themselves.
When one experiences eye contact from another person it can cause them to feel: acknowledged, respected and important. And yet when this doesn’t take place, one can end up feeling: ignored, disrespected and unimportant.
Eye contact could be seen as something that is relatively effortless and takes very little energy to apply. It doesn’t cost anything and one is unlikely to run out of energy through it. But while it can be easy to do, and the impact it has can be monumental, it doesn’t mean that everyone utilizes this power in their life.
This can mean that not only do other people lose out on what they would have experienced from maintaining eye contact, but one will also lose out from how others would respond to them if they had experienced it.
To receive eye contact from someone can create the impression that they are trust worthy. Of course people can have really good eye contact and still have something about them that makes one wonder if they can be trusted.
So it is not everything, but it is going to play a big role in if one thinks someone can be trusted or not. One can end up feeling more at ease and safer through it being there. Without it, one can appear shifty and deceptive. It could be due to shyness or low confidence, but this is often overlooked and labelled as one being rude or even ignorant.
And as it can lead to trust being formed, it therefore means that it will play a big part in how connected one feels to another. When one talks to someone and eye contact is there, each person can come to conclusion that they matter and they could even end up feeling special because of it.
The absence of this is going to stop one person from being able to feel connected to the other person. Perhaps they are a bit timid or have something to hide, but with these assumptions aside, one is going to feel that they can’t quiet connect to them.
And unless one has the desire to dig deeper and find out, it might well mean that this person is overlooked and not given the chance to explain why they are like they are. So through one having bad eye contact, they will have lost a potential friend, lover or client for instance.
Once a first impression has been formed, it is often too late for one to change it. And this is why it is vital that one has good eye contact from the beginning of an interaction. To not look at someone in a shop is unlikely to create too many problems. As human beings we can end feeling up tired or exhausted after a long day or due to a certain challenge in our life, so there will be moments where eye contact doesn’t take place.
This is understandable and it is not something that one should feel bad about. However, what matters is that one generally gets it right around their: friends, family, potential lovers or partners or in a business setting for example. This is when it truly matters.
There is naturally going to be differences in how one uses eye contact around different people. When it comes to friends or family, one may well have a fairly balanced approach. So looking at them for a fairly short time and then looking away. Eye contact won’t be held for too long, but it won’t end too soon either.
If one was speaking to someone in a shop or on the street, eye contact might not be maintained for as long. To keep it there for as long as one might do with their friends or family, could give off the wrong impression and all because the comfort and familiarity has not been developed.
And then there is going to be a different degree of eye contact when one is speaking to their partner, lover or someone who they would like to be more than just friends with. In this context, keeping eye contact can allow attraction to develop or to be maintained or for one to be able to take things further.
There can be times when eye contact can be dangerous and avoiding it completely is the best possible option. If some kind of violence or crime is taking place and one looks at the person or people who are committing it, it could cause them to be agitated and even more hostile.
So avoiding it could save one from being injured or mugged or even from losing their life. This relates to what could be an extreme example for some people and a fairly regular occurrence for others.
Discernment is therefore vital in knowing when to use it and for how long. And if one is unaware as to how or when to use eye contact, then observing others can make a big difference. And there are now numerous books out there on this subject as well as videos and audios.
One can start to look at people for longer during certain situations. However, if maintaining eye contact is overwhelming for someone, then it might be necessary to look at what is going on at a deeper level.
While someone might want to be approached by others, it doesn’t mean that this actually happens. And if it does happen, it could be something that doesn’t happen enough or in the right situations. This is going to relate to all kinds of scenarios and the primary areas are often to do with ones career and social life.
It could be that one finds themselves being approached routinely in their career and in business settings. But when it comes to their social life, this rarely takes place. And the opposite could also be true; with one having no problem in their social life and yet struggling in career environments. When it comes to the opposite sex for example, one could find that they are never approached.
For the individual who has experienced life in this way for a long time or what seems like their whole life, it would be easy to take it personally. Other people are seen as not being interested or that one is simply not noticed by others.
The reality is that not everyone is going to see one as interesting and neither will they always stand out to everyone they come across. However, this doesn’t mean that one is inherently uninteresting or invisible to everyone on the planet.
It is easy to take things personally in life and to believe that there is something wrong with who one is. Especially if one feels that they are constantly being ignored or overlooked in life.
Whether one is routinely approached by others or if they are typically ignored, it is not something that is personal. So although one can feel a sense of rejection and of not being important, it should not be taken to heart.
Because while it is not personal, it will be due to what this person is or is not doing. At first this may feel like a burden or cause frustration or annoyance, but it means that one has a choice in what is happening to them.
One is not merely a victim of circumstance; they are able to have a big influence in the whole process. How one behaves, thinks and even feels can appear to be who they are and something that is fixed. However, each of these things can be changed when the right information/knowledge is attained and applied with patience and persistence.
While there could be all kinds of reasons why someone is not approachable, there is likely to be certain commonalties. This person is going to give of the message either consciously or unconsciously, that they are not approachable. So their body language, facial expressions and general manner is going to be counterproductive.
How they act could be described as: aloof, distance, shy or even hostile. Perhaps the clothes they wear or their style of hair is off putting and creates distance. Internally, this person might not feel safe with people getting to close to them and so this is the energy or vibe that is being communicated to others.
Other people then don’t need to see this person’s body language or to pay attention to what they are wearing, as they get the sense or impression that they are not to be approached.
If one was to observe someone who does get approached by others either routinely or on the odd occasion, they are likely to notice differences in how this person behaves. Now, some of these differences may be visible to the eye and some won’t.
What can cause problems in noticing these differences is that if one is not approached by others, they may not know what to look for. As if they knew what they were doing wrong, they could make the appropriate changes.
This is likely to be someone who’s body language and facial expressions give off the message that they are open to meeting others. So their arms could be open and their face relaxed and their face would be more likely to give off a smile than a frown. They could be well presented and stand out in what they wear.
What precedes this is what is going on internally and this is where the real power is. It is what defines one’s body language, facial expressions and the kind of energy or vibe that they give off. This is why it can be difficult to notice what they are doing that is different.
Here, one could have the belief that other people want to talk to them, notice them and that they are interesting. There is then the expectation that other people will approach them and this then becomes their experience.
So if being approached by people is a common challenge in one area of one’s life or all areas, it might be enough to change what is going on externally. And for others it could be necessary to dig a little deeper.
Looking at one’s body language, facials expression and what they wear can all make a difference. Questioning ones beliefs about how interesting they are and the kind of expectations they have going on within, can all make a difference. By changing what is going on internally, it will gradually change what is going on externally.
Oliver JR Cooper - Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online.
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?